Silence will tear you apart. Not conflict.
We often perceive conflict as something that tears relationships apart. We've seen numerous instances where conflict leads to the disintegration of a company's C-suite or to departmental teams resembling war zones during specific periods.
For many people, conflict is a frightening situation that typically elicits one of two reactions: people either fight back or avoid the difficult conversation altogether. Both of these responses stem from primary emotions such as fear, sadness, shame, or surprise. But it is hard for us to know because they are expressed through protective behaviors that resemble nothing to fear or sadness, for example.
Conflict can be scary. But when handled safely and skillfully, it often brings people closer and helps them flourish.
If you have ever observed a team that truly trusts one another, you might have noticed something interesting: they do not always seek harmony. Instead, they engage in disagreement, challenge one another, and express their discomfort. They do all of this without fearing that their relationships will break down. It is similar to those couples who stay together into their late 70s or 80s. If you ask them, they will likely say that they experienced conflict and did not always agree; in fact, quite the opposite. Yet they never allowed silence to take over their relationships, since they knew that disagreement did not mean their relationship was doomed to fail.
Silence fills a room when people fear that speaking honestly may cost them. Once Silence takes hold, innovation slows, collaboration becomes polite rather than genuine, and individuals stop bringing their whole selves to the table.
In contrast, conflict creates friction. Friction leads to movement, and movement is the catalyst for change.
Over the years, I have observed that teams willing to confront issues thrive far more than those that prioritize comfort. When a team cultivates a genuine culture of psychological safety and is equipped with practical tools for dialogue and resolution, conflict transforms from a breakdown into a breakthrough. It becomes the space where differences evolve into decisions, and those decisions are probably the most needed.
Recently, at the HR Scale Up Summit in Athens, I had the pleasure of hearing the inspiring Irene Panagiotakopoulou, CHRO of Deloitte Greece, speak on this very topic. She shared a thought that "resonated deeply with me": "Silence is far more problematic than conflict." In great decision-making and change, conflict is an obligation because it ensures that decisions are made after dialogue and argumentation." I wholeheartedly agree.
When teams suppress disagreement, what appears to be calm is often just avoidance. Silence creates an illusion of unity, masking disengagement, resentment, and missed growth opportunities.
The Science Behind It
Research consistently shows that teams that engage in open, constructive conflict perform better.
A landmark study by Dr. Amy Edmondson at Harvard Business School found that high-performing teams do not avoid conflict; instead, they know how to navigate it. In these teams, individuals feel safe to disagree, challenge authority, and admit mistakes without fearing that their relationships or status will be jeopardized.
Other studies, including work by Jehn (1995) and De Dreu & Weingart (2003), distinguish between relationship conflict (personal tension that hinders collaboration) and task conflict (productive debates about ideas or strategies). The most successful teams learn to embrace task conflict while staying connected with one another.
When HR Becomes the Keeper of Culture
HR's role in organizations continues to evolve and is increasingly recognized for its tremendous value. It has shifted from simply managing conflicts to building culture and procedures. At Speakout, we have found that fostering an environment in which conflict can drive positive change is best achieved by collaborating with external facilitators. When invited to partner, HR departments explain the problem to us; we understand and analyze it, and then we provide solutions. We help teams understand their emotional triggers, navigate conflicts as opportunities for growth, and therefore become psychologically safe. We do so as an objective, external partner.
Leaders often try to protect their teams from conflict. But the great ones learn to protect their teams through conflict. By building cultures where emotions and honesty are safe, disagreement is welcomed, and silence is not mistaken for alignment.
Because in the end, the question is never whether conflict will arrive. It will. The real measure of a team is whether they can turn that moment into clarity rather than distance, alignment rather than avoidance.
When that is succeeded, conflict stops being a threat and becomes what it was always meant to be: a catalyst.
Further Reading & References
Edmondson, A. (2018). The Fearless Organization. Harvard Business Review Press.
Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams. Administrative Science Quarterly.
Jehn, K. A. (1995). A Multimethod Examination of Intragroup Conflict. Administrative Science Quarterly.
De Dreu, C. K. W., & Weingart, L. R. (2003). Task versus Relationship Conflict. Journal of Applied Psychology.
Morrison, E. W., & Milliken, F. J. (2000). Organizational Silence. Academy of Management Review.
