Soft Skills, Soft People?

Very recently, in a one-on-one session, a client described the qualities he sought in a leadership position. After listing communication and adaptability, he paused and added:

"Yes, soft skills are great. But I want someone dynamic."

The statement caught me by surprise. Do excellent soft skills mean being a soft person? Is this an outdated notion that a world once existed where masculine, tough-guy characteristics were considered essential to effective leadership? Does it still hold today?

How soft are those skills?

The term "soft skills" is misleading. Self-awareness, empathy, and critical thinking are not gentle "extras"; they are demanding disciplines, challenging, profound, and formative. These skills require self-regulation, courage, and the ability to remain steady in uncomfortable situations.

As Lianne, CEO of MindTough®, states in Forbes, "We need to rethink today's phrase 'soft skills.' Self-reflection, empathy, and critical thinking are not optional, and they are anything but soft. They are tough, complex, and essential in today's volatile professional landscape."

Research consistently supports this. The World Economic Forum (2023) ranks emotional intelligence, flexibility, and resilience among the top skills shaping the future of work. Similarly, McKinsey's State of Organizations Report (2022) shows that teams led by managers who demonstrate trust, openness, and psychological safety consistently outperform their peers in innovation and retention.

What does the Data show.

Recent large-scale research published in Harvard Business Review (Hosseinioun, Neffke, Youn & Zhang, 2025) makes the same point at scale.

Analyzing over 70 million job transitions across more than 1,000 occupations, the authors discovered that individuals with strong foundational skills such as communication, adaptability, collaboration, and problem-solving consistently outperformed those with only technical expertise.

Employees with strong human skills not only advanced further in their careers but also adapted more quickly to change. While technical knowledge fluctuated with each technological wave, foundational skills remained constant. These skills served as a reliable thread in an ever-changing world.

In other words, the ability to think critically, connect with others, and maintain focus endures beyond any specific tool or platform.

The Strength of Softness

When observing great boxers, you will likely notice that they rarely appear tense. A boxer's speed does not come from constant rigidity; instead, it comes from being relaxed, with loose shoulders, soft knees, and a body ready to move in any direction. Those who tighten up are often the first to tire out. As one trainer pointed out, "Tension slows the punch." The best fighters maintain a relaxed state until the precise moment they need to strike. Softness enhances speed, and relaxation improves precision.

Tai Chi takes this principle even further. Often seen as gentle or meditative, Tai Chi practice builds balance, strength, and responsiveness. In Tai Chi, softness is readiness.

The paradox of strength is not a new concept; it has been observed across various movement disciplines throughout history.

The Toughest Work

Developing these human skills demands constant practice. It's not about being nice. It's about staying grounded under stress.

It's the mental and emotional equivalent of training balance and breath: slow, repetitive, but foundational.

• Self-awareness asks us to face our blind spots and question the stories we tell about ourselves.

• Empathy requires the courage to understand perspectives that challenge us and add to the collective intelligence of a team.

• Critical thinking forces us to slow down, doubt assumptions, and tolerate ambiguity.

That is not easy work. It's the hardest work there is.

A Reframe

It may be time to reframe how we talk about the skills often called "soft." We have enough research to support the idea that these skills are not merely optional alongside more technical competencies. Instead, they are essential for sustainable action, helping teams absorb pressure and build trust.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the most effective leaders are those who combine flexibility and adaptability with the strength to assert their position. The future will undoubtedly favor leaders who do not rely on control and rigidity; although these tactics may yield short-term success, they ultimately lead to defeat.

Further Reading & References

• Hosseinioun, M., Neffke, F., Youn, H., & Zhang, L. T. (2025). Soft Skills Matter Now More Than Ever, According to New Research. Harvard Business Review.

• Lianne, CEO of MindTough®. (2025). Why We Need to Retire the Phrase “Soft Skills.” Forbes.

• World Economic Forum. (2023). Future of Jobs Report.

• McKinsey & Company. (2022). The State of Organizations.

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.