The Stories We Don’t Tell but Others can Hear !
The Stories We Don’t Tell but Others can Hear
Today, I received a call from a good friend whom I hadn't spoken to in over a month. As soon as I picked up the phone, she greeted me cheerfully with, “Hello, love!” I responded with a simple “Hello,” but before I could say much else, she asked, “Why do you sound like a dead person?”
It caught me off guard, but I had to admit she was right. I’d been dealing with a whirlwind of unexpected issues over the past few days, and it had taken its toll on me—mentally and emotionally. Without even seeing me, she could detect the exhaustion and sadness in my voice, a reminder of how much our voice reveals about our state of mind and inner emotional world. Her ability to pick up on my fatigue so quickly made me reflect on how our voices act as mirrors of what’s happening inside.
In fact, research supports this idea. Studies show that our voice—its tone, pitch, and rhythm—carries cues that others can pick up on almost immediately. For instance, Scherer and Johnstone (2003) explain how emotional states like sadness or fatigue lower the pitch and reduce the variability of our speech, signaling our mood to listeners. Just like my friend who sensed I was off without needing to ask, people are incredibly attuned to these vocal cues.
Beyond emotion, our voice also reflects our identity and background. People unconsciously adjust their voice depending on where they are and who they’re talking to—a phenomenon known as code-switching. Whether it's adapting to social norms in the workplace, or speaking differently around friends and family, voice is a tool for survival and adaptation.
Our voices, much like our non verbal communication, are crafted by our experiences, emotions, and even social conditioning. As Preston Ni observed in his work with clients, past traumas, cultural norms, and even family dynamics play a role in how we speak. For example, someone who grew up being discouraged from expressing emotions loudly might speak more quietly as an adult. In my work with clients, I’ve validated Preston Ni’s observations time and again. Family environments play a huge role in shaping how we express ourselves vocally.
So, why did my voice sound “dead”? It wasn’t just the events of the past few days, but a deeper reflection of how I had been coping emotionally. And this speaks to a universal truth: our voice is an intricate part of our identity, revealing both our inner feelings and our personal history in ways we may not always recognize.
At SpeakOut, our work goes beyond helping people speak clearly or confidently—it's about rediscovering and embracing your authentic voice. We believe that finding your voice is a journey of reclaiming your identity, embracing your present truth, and learning to express it to the world. Your voice isn't just a tool—it's your story, unfolding with every word you speak. Let’s make sure it reflects the fullness of who you are today.
